The pain of inaction

Procrastination, consistency and self-discipline are some of the important factors that show up when it comes to self improvement. I have been observing my current lifestyle and reflecting on how things are unfolding and the progress I’m making. 

A quadrillion number of self-assigned tasks

Right now, I’m in a phase where I want to do a lot. I not only think about them but I also actively sign up for these things, often without realizing how much time and energy they actually demand. I’m currently working on several projects: making videos for YouTube, organizing events, creating content for LinkedIn, writing blogs, building my professional network, applying for jobs, and even designing a mobile application.

On top of that, I am trying to pick up hobbies like learning guitar, reading, getting involved in a sport and of course, that’s layered with daily life essentials like cooking, cleaning, working out, and trying to get enough sleep. At some point, I realized I have a ton of things to do on a daily basis. 

But here’s the catch: none of these things were imposed on me. I chose all of them. I got curious, I dove in headfirst, and fast forward to now, I’m staring at a massive to-do list, backed up with at least a month’s worth of tasks, waking up every day overwhelmed by everything I’ve taken on… and ending up doing nothing.

The pain of inaction

The more things I commit to, the more obligations pile up. The more obligations I feel, the more my passions start to feel like tasks. And when everything feels like a task, I disconnect. I don’t commit. I don’t follow through. I fall into toxic coping mechanisms like doomscrolling, mindless distractions, anything to avoid the mounting pressure.

That’s when I realized: this isn’t just procrastination. This is something deeper. This is the pain of inaction.

It’s a cycle of inaction, guilt, escapism. While my subconscious quietly (and sometimes loudly) reminds me of everything I’ve left undone. The pressure keeps building. Even the things I love like filmmaking, writing, designing, all start to feel heavy, obligatory, and draining.

Dealing with the pain

Every morning, I wake up agitated, thinking about all the tasks I didn’t complete the day before, and the ones I still need to complete today. With the living proof that I won’t be completing all the things I need to do on a specific day as the day before. My screen time is proof. My YouTube “Watch Later” playlist is one feature I’ve abused a lot, it’s more like a graveyard of good intentions. There are courses I’ve paid for, small investments I made and the books I’ve purchased, just sitting there, untouched. Reminders and deadlines, all there, quietly haunting me.

I give myself reasons on why I’m not putting in the work. No one to help, I can’t figure out how to crack, or it does not yield the results I need, etc. But deep down, I know the truth: I became the chaos I despise. I turned into the version of myself I used to fear becoming. The one who gives up, who falls behind, who spirals.

That’s the real pain of inaction.

It’s not just about the missed deadlines. It’s the clear awareness that I’m setting myself up for a downfall if it continues this way. It’s about carrying the invisible weight of not being who I promised myself would be. And that weight slowly ate my confidence, my hope, my joy, and I started to feel like maybe… I’m doomed.

Some days, I fight back. I start with a burst of energy, fresh plans, and new motivation. But somewhere along the way, I slip. Again. And again. And every time, it hurts more.

But here’s what I’ve learned through all of this: It’s still not too late.

There is hope

The truth is, I do have potential. I’ve proven it before. There are moments, big and small, that remind me of what I’m capable of. But I’ve let my mental space become so overloaded that even the things I once loved now feel like burdens.

The present moment, the now, is still here. And sometimes, all it takes is five focused minutes. Five minutes of doing something meaningful. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be real.

So now, I remind myself firmly – One thing at a time. Just one thing. Things take time, and real change is slow. But patience and consistency are the real game changers.

If I spiral, that’s on me. But if I rise, that’s on me too.

So maybe it’s time to take a breath, take breaks, do literally nothing (not even check my phone), take days off, and let the dust settle. Let go of the idea that it all has to be perfect and results-oriented, and then, just start again. Because even in the deepest pain of inaction, there’s always a spark of possibility.

Ofcourse, this makes me question my ability to improve regardless of the small efforts because I know myself – I haven’t been completing them so far. But I should prove myself otherwise and just do something about it. 

Once again, If I spiral, that’s on me. But if I rise, that’s on me too.